I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
