he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
