They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
