Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
