You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
