But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
