remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
