i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
