Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize