eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
