You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
