Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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