I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
