So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
sex in a hospital.. check
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
