Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
