Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
