i would punch a child for taco bell
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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