I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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