I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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