I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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