Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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