Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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