I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
