we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
