I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize