i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
