What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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