i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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