We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
