It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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