hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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