Where did you get a picture of my penis
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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