White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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