I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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