hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
