I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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