Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
