I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
