listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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