i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
