Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
