At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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