i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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