Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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