It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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