Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Randomize
