omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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