I got chris browned last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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