and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
