chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
