Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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