I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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