does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize