just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
