Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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