I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
