Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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