I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
