What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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