Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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