if i can run in heels then i can drive
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
