guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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