Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
