Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
