be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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