I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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