You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
