You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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