I didn't shave. On purpose
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize