I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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