Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
