you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize