So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
