Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
