I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
